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A bitter jest, when the satire comes too near the truth, leaves a sharp sting behind.
- Tacitus

All those things which are now held to be of the greatest antiquity, were at one time new; and what we today hold up by example, will rank hereafter as precedent.
- Tacitus

A smattering of philosophy had liberated his [Nero’s] intellect without maturing his judgment.
- Tacitus

It is the nature of the human disposition to hate him who you have injured.
- Tacitus

When the state is most corrupt, then the laws are most multiplied.
- Tacitus

I slept and drempt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was duty. I acted and beheld that duty was joy.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Once you accept that the world is a giant computer run by white mice, all other movies fade into insignificance.
- Mutsumi Takahashi

Here’s one I took from Newsweek (International Edition) a while back: Basically a dog person. I certainly, though, wouldn’t want to offend my constituents who are cat people, and I should say that being, I hope, a sensitive person, that I have nothing against cats, and had cats when I was a boy, and if we didn’t have the two dogs might very well be interested in having a cat now.
- Incoming Missouri Congressman James Talent, responding to the question Are you a dog or a cat person?

Examine the contents, not the bottle.
- The Talmud

Violence comes into the world through justice delayed and justice denied.
- The Talmud

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn’t learn of it for six months.
- Bill Tammeus, in Toronto National Newspaper, 8 March 1991

The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose from. Furthermore, if you do not like any of them, you can just wait for next year’s model.
- Andrew S. Tanenbaum, "Computer Networks"

The term ’frame’ is not the official ISO term for the unit exchanged by layer 2 peer processes. The correct term is ’physical-layer-service-unit.’ We hope our motivation for not always using ISO nomenclature is now somewhat clearer.
- Andrew S. Tanenbaum, "Computer Networks"

That mistake will not be repeated. There are plenty of mistakes left that haven’t been tried yet.
- Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Networks are like sewers: my job is to make sure your data goes away when you flush, and to stop the rats climbing into your toilet through the pipes.
- Tanuki describes network administration

For their next act, they’ll no doubt be buying a firewall running under NT, which makes about as much sense as building a prison out of meringue.
- Tanuki

I still want a phone with caller-IQ.
- Tanuki

The problem with eating a high-fibre diet is that, before you know it, your lower bowel will have attracted a whole mass of backhoes.
- Tanuki

Better stop short than fill to the brim. 
Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt. 
Amass a store of gold and jade, and no one can protect it. 
Claim wealth and titles, and disaster will follow. 
Retire when the work is done. 
This is the way of heaven.
- Tao Te Ching

Learning builds daily accumulation, but the practice of Tao builds daily simplification. Simplify and simplify, until all contamination from relative, contridictory thinking is eliminated. Then one does nothing, yet nothing is left undone. One who wins the world does so by not meddling with it. One who meddles with the world loses it.
- Tao te Ching, 48. Lao-Tzu

Moral victories don’t count.
- Savielly Grigorievitcyh Tartakower (1887-1956)

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
- Savielly Grigorievitcyh Tartakower (1887-1956)

Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.
- Booth Tarkington

Strange how the older generations can’t program a VCR if their life depended on it, but they managed to operate the climate contol system of their 1958 Ramblers, which consisted of six unmarked knobs, one labeled "AirFloMatic" in unreadable cursive script, and four levers underneath the dash, which you had to turn, then pull.
- Dan Tasman

More recently, John Cage has written pieces for prepared piano, which may involve attaching nuts, bolts, and other hardware to the strings, and other indignities. I heard a story (possibly apocryphal) that a horrified janitor once cleaned up one of his prepared pianos just before a concert. Cage came out, played one chord, screamed, and left the stage. Of course, this was indistinguishable from an actual Cage performance, so everyone clapped, and the reviewers wrote gushy praise about the groundbreaking new work.
- David Tate, on rec.music.classical

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
- Elizabeth Taylor

Private and secret offices of religion are like the refreshing of a garden with the distilling and pretty drops of a water pot; but, addressed from the temple, are like rain from heaven.
- Jeremy Taylor

Never write it in C if you can do it in ’awk’; 
Never do it in ’awk’ if ’sed’ can handle it; 
Never use ’sed’ when ’tr’ can do the job; 
Never invoke ’tr’ when ’cat’ is sufficient; 
Avoid using ’cat’ whenever possible
- Taylor’s Laws of Programming

Ah! curst ambition! to thy lures we owe, 
All the great ills that mortals bear below.
- Teckell

A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent, unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty, until found effective.
- Edward Teller

Physics is, hopefully, simple. Physicists are not.
- Edward Teller

Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.
- Edward Teller

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple

All courageous animals are carnivorous, and greater courage is to be expected in a people, such as the English, whose food is strong and hearty, than in the half starved commonalty of other countries.
- Sir William Temple

Man is a thinking being, whether he will or no; all he can do is to turn his thoughts the best way.
- Sir William Temple

The best rules to form a young man are, to talk little, to hear much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one’s own opinions, and value others that deserve it.
- Sir William Temple

The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next, good sense, the third, good humor, and the fourth, wit.
- Sir William Temple

The only way for a rich man to be healthy is, by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor.
- Sir William Temple

I can direct dial today a man my parents warred with. They wanted to kill him, I want to sell software to him.
- Brad Templeton

Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow - it empties today of strength.
- Corrie Ten Boom

Act upon your impulses, but pray that they may be directed by God.
- Emerson Tennen

Let it flame or fade, and the war roll down like a wind, 
We have proved we have hearts in a cause, we are noble still, 
And myself have awaked, as it seems, to the better mind. 
It is better to fight for the good than to rail at the ill; 
I have felt with my native land, I am one with my kind, 
I embrace the purpose of God, and the doom assign’d.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, Maud: A Monodrama III.V

All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

For I dipt into the future, Far as human eye could see, Saw the vision of the world, And all the wonder that would be.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

In me thou see’st the twilight of such day, the glowing of such fire.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

It is better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Kind hearts are more than coronets, And simple faith than Norman blood.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

’Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

When can their glory fade? Oh! the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred!
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

How dull it is to pause, to make an end, to rest unburnished, not to shine in life!
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, Ulysses

Have you ever dated someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
- Judy Tenuta

Of all mankind, each loves himself the best.
- Terence

If you want a track team that will win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.
- Frederick E. Terman

In the Norse mythology Loki originally was on the side of the rest of the gods, helping them once or twice using a particularly nast forms of trickery. He was a cunning negotiator with a talent for technicalities. He was sort of the Norse equivalent of a lawyer, no doubt the reason they tied him down in a pit dripping acidic venom on him.
- Martin Terman

Being a graduate student is never having to say ’I have dignity and self respect’
- M. F. Terman

A pair of bright eyes with a dozen glances suffice to subdue a man; to enslave him, and inflame; to make him even forget; they dazzle him so, that the past becomes straightway dim to him; and he so prizes them, that he would give all his life to possess them. What is the fond love of dearest friends compared to treasure? Is memory as strong as expectancy, fruition as hunger, gratitude as desire?
- William Makepeace Thackeray

I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man coming to his senses.
- William Makepeace Thakeray

Reality is that which hurts when you trip over it
- Thag

The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.
- Thales

Models are to be used, not believed
- H. Theil, ’Principles of Econometrics’

Restrain thy mind, and let mildness ever attend thy tongue.
- Theognis

To many men well-fitting doors are not set on their tongues.
- Theognis

Aphorism: a concise, clever statement. Afterism: a concise, clever statement you don’t think of until too late.
- James Alexander Thom

Amusements to virtue are like breezes of air to the flame- gentle ones will fan it, but strong ones will put it out.
- David Thomas

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
- Dylan Thomas

Do not go gently into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas

I remember those happy days and often wish I could speak into the ears of the dead the gratitude which was due to them in life and so ill-returned.
- Gwyn Thomas

The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.
- Lewis Thomas

Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.
- Marlo Thomas

Never face facts; if you do, you’ll never get up in the morning.
- Marlo Thomas

After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the cost to others, to win advancement.
- Norman Thomas

The alternative to the totalitarian state is the cooperative commonwealth.
- Norman Thomas

An atheist is a man who believes himself an accident.
- Francis Thompson

The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

He had that rare weird electricity about him-- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving normally.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005), "Fear and Loathing ’72"

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005), "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I have stolen more quotes and thoughts and purely elegant little starbursts of _writing_ from the Book of Revelation than anything else in the English language-- and it is not because I am a biblical scholar, or because of any religious faith, but because I love the wild power of the language and the purity of the madness that governs it and makes it music.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005), "Generation of Swine"

A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

Anybody who wanders around the world saying Hell, yes, I’m from Texas deserves whatever happens to him.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

Cover a war in a place where you can’t drink beer or talk to a woman? Hell no!
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

Its okay to get jacked up and head out onto the highway, but I’ve been there and I can tell you that the fast lane is littered with countless smoldering wrecks.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

It was the Law of the Sea, they said. Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

What is there left to a generation that has been told that there is poison in the rain and sex is death? Nothing but TV and relentless masturbation.
- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

You goddamn cornhuskers are all alike.
- Jim Thompson

From empirical experience, your Exchange admin needs to put down the crack pipe and open a window to disperse the fumes.
- Joe Thompson, in ASR

Rule: It is a mistake to use the manufacturer’s special call instruction.
- Ken Thompson

The steady state of disks is full.
- Ken Thompson

Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it. Makes you feel warm inside.
- Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie

When in doubt, use brute force.
- Ken Thompson

Andrew is the operating system of the future and always will be.
- Mary R. Thompson

My problems start when the smarter bears and the dumber visitors intersect.
- Steve Thompson, wildlife biologist at Yosemite National Park

This example illustrates the differences in the effects which may be produced by research in pure or applied science. A research on the lines of applied science would doubtless have led to improvement and development of the older methods-- the research in pure science has given us an entirely new and much more powerful method. In fact, research in applied science leads to reforms, research in pure science leads to revolutions, and revolutions, whether political or industrial, are exceedingly profitable things if you are on the winning side.
- J. J. Thomson

Think until it hurts.
- Roy Thomson

My indignation, like th’ imprisoned fire, pent in the troubled breast of Aetna, burnt deep and silent.
- Thomson

’Tis easier for the generous to forgive, Than for offense to ask it.
- Thomson

’Tis late before The brave despair.
- Thomson

Wide flush the fields; the softening air is balm; Echo the mountains round; the forest smiles; And every sense and every heart is joy.
- Thomson

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) in Journal, Jan. 3, 1861

Every creature is better alive than dead, men and moose and pine trees, and he who understands it aright will rather preserve its life than destroy it.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Maine Woods," ’Chesuncook’

Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

As if there were safety in stupidity alone.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

I derive no pleasure from talking with a young woman simply because she has regular features.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

I have learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

It takes two to speak the truth--one to speak and the other to hear.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

I was not born to be forced; I will breathe after my own fashion.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Men have become the tools of their tools
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize the infinite extent of our relations.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

The man for whom law exists -- the man of forms, the Conservative, is a tame man.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at its root.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

The world is but a canvas to our imagination.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink, I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish fill the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of the arts.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on?
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

What men call good fellowship is commonly but the virtue of pigs in a litter which lie close together to keep each other warm.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

I have learned this at least by my experiment: if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Walden"

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Walden"

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), Walden

To be awake is to be alive.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), Walden

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Walden"

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Walden"

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, and obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not; and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Walden," the Conclusion

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), "Where I Live"

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), Where I Live

Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure.
- Thorndike

Things are not as simple as they seems at first.
- Edward Thorp

To get the attention of a large animal, be it an elephant or a bureaucracy, it helps to know what part of it feels pain. Be very sure, though, that you want its full attention.
- Kelvin Throop

For we both alike know that into the discussion of human affairs the question of justice enters only where the pressure of necessity is equal, and that the powerful exact what they can, and the weak grant what they must.
- Thucydides

...the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it.
- Thucydides

The strong do what they will while the weak suffer what they must.
- Thucydides, The Peloponnesian War

A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

A woman’s place is in the wrong.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

Early to rise and early to bed Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

[He] . . . was a letter writer of the type that is now completely extinct. His circle of correspondents was perhaps no larger but it was easily more bewildered than that of any other American of his generation. . .
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

Humor is our greatest natural resource.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

I hate women because they always know where things are.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

Its better to know some of the questions, than all of the answers.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future anybody’s guess. It was fun back there with the Rover Boys, the Little Colonel, Pollyanna, and Peg-o’-my-Heart, but we don’t want to be caught in the past while the Russians are shaking hands with the Martians. Let us then be up and doing.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

"You are all a lost generation," Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren’t lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn’t go home.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

You are all a lost generation, Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren’t lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn’t go home.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
- James Thurber (1894-1961)

BOZO + PhD = GOD
- Chris Thyberg

Sorry for the disaster. And thanks for your patience!
- Chris Thyberg

To those who think that the law of gravity interferes with their freedom, there is nothing to say.
- Lionel Tiger

Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
- Henrik Tikkanen

Whenever faced with a problem, some people say ’Lets use AWK.’ Now, they have two problems.
- D. Tilbrook

Doubt isn’t the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
- Paul Tillich

I’d give $1000 to be a millionaire.
- Lewis Timberlake

A bazooka is the skeleton key of the impatient.
- Will Timmins (wt0b@andrew.cmu.edu)

I’ve never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind.
- Mike Todd

Don’t bite the hand that has your allowance in it.
- Lisa Toddler

Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
- Alvin Toffler

Man has a limited biological capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the capacity is in future shock.
- Alvin Toffler

Go not to the elves for advice, for they will say both yes and no.
- J. R. R. Tolkien

’I wish life was not so short,’ he thought. ’Languages take such a time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.’
- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lost Road"

The way to conquer men is by their passions; Catch but the ruling foibles of their hearts, And all their boasted virtues shrink before you.
- Tolson

Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou.
- Paul Tomblin

Linux is not a desktop OS for people whose VCRs are still flashing "12:00".
- Paul Tomblin

So now the tape drive is sitting out in the yard, and I have to replace the tape drive and the window I threw it through.
- Paul Tomblin

The PROPER way to handle HTML postings is to cancel the article, then hire a hitman to kill the poster, his wife and kids, and fuck his dog and smash his computer into little bits. Anything more is just extremism.
- Paul Tomblin

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
- Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
- Lily Tomlin

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
- Lily Tomlin

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
- Lily Tomlin

Thank God kids never mean well
- Lily Tomlin

There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
- Lily Tomlin

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
- Lily Tomlin

What’s reality anyway? Nothing but a collective hunch.
- Lily Tomlin

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
- Lily Tomlin

Most novices picture themselves as masters - and are content with the picture. This is why there are so few masters.
- Jean Toomer

One of the main advantages of Unix over, say, MVS, is the tremendous number of features Unix lacks. 
Fixed in SVR4
- Chris Torek and USL

Any race that doesn’t use all its potential will always stop short of its possibilities.
- Jose Torres

I can’t help feeling a certain pride in the admiration of women. I suspect that is one of my biggest failings.
- Jose Torres

Once you realize that documentation should be laughed at, peed upon, put on fire, and just ridiculed in general, THEN, and only then, have you reached the level where you can safely read it and try to use it to actually implement a driver.
- Linus Torvalds, linux-kernel

Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it.
- Linus Torvalds

When you say ’I wrote a program that crashed Windows’, people just stare at you blankly and say ’Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*.’
- Linus Torvalds

The new Linux anthem will be "He’s an idiot, but he’s ok", as performed by Monthy Python. You’d better start practicing.
- Linus Torvalds talking about a mistake he made in the 1.3.67 kernel source

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since.
- Arturo Toscanini

Just because you’ve eaten a sorcerer, doesn’t mean you’ve beaten a sorcerer.
- Toth-aamon

No doubt, a scientist isn’t necessarily penalized for being a complex, versatile, eccentric individual with lots of extra-scientific interests. But it certainly doesn’t help him a bit.
- Stephen Toulmin

... so, given that the brain is built out of really crummy hardware, I mean, worse than the stuff you buy at Radio Shack ...
- Dave Touretzky, on the computational properties of the neuron

Knowledge is data with parentheses around it.
- Dave Touretzky

The food that I like best- the food that makes me hungry just to think of- is very simple. When I cook I try never to get too far away from that kind of simplicity.
- Jeremiah Tower

How do you spot a leader? They come in all ages, shapes and conditions. Some are poor administrators, some are not overly bright. One clue: the true leader can be recognized because somehow his people consistently turn in superior performances.
- Robert Townsend

America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.
- Arnold Toynbee (1889-1975)

Apathy can only be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things; first, an ideal which takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite plan for carrying that ideal into practice.
- Arnold Toynbee (1889-1975)

Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor.
- Arnold Toynbee (1889-1975)

What shall we do to be saved? In politics, establish a constitutional cooperative society or world government. In economics, find working compromises between free enterprise and socialism.
- Arnold Toynbee (1889-1975)

Bibo, ergo sum. - I drink, therefore I am
- Fredirect Toyou

Oh! greatness! thou art a flattering dream, A wat’ry bubble, lighter than the air.
- Tracy

There are those that are born to be on top and those that are born to be on bottom. Like officers and soldiers.
- Sergeant Traub

Badges, to god-damned hell with badges! We have no badges. In fact, we don’t need badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges, you god-damned cabron and ching’ tu madre! Come out there from that shit-hole of yours. I have to speak to you.
- B. Traven, "The Treasure of Sierra Madre"

When I was a child, love to me was what the sea is to a fish: something you swim in while you are going about the important affairs of life.
- P. L. Travers

I have sustained a continual bombardment & cannonade for 24 hours & have not lost a man. The enemy has demanded a surrender at discretion, otherwise the garrison are to be put to the sword if the fort is taken. I have answered the demand with a cannon shot, and our flag still waves proudly from the walls. I shall never surrender nor retreat.
- William B. Travis

I don’t like her. But don’t misunderstand me: my dislike is purely platonic.
- Herbert Beerbohm Tree

Speak little and well, if you would be esteemed as a man of merit.
- Trench

Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
- George Macaulay Trevelyan (1876-1962)

The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions -- which time and mediocrity can solve.
- Hugh Trevor-Roper, "Men and Events"

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
- Calvin Trillin

Before I go out to take a picture of someone, I just stop at the city desk and say, ’Do you want him gazing out toward the sunset or picking his nose?’
- Calvin Trillin

Health food makes me sick.
- Calvin Trillin

I don’t care where I sit, as long as I get fed.
- Calvin Trillin

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?
- Calvin Trillin

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.
- Calvin Trillin

Marriage is part of a sort of 50’s revival package that’s back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition.
- Calvin Trillin

The average trade book has a shelf life of between milk and yogurt, except for books by any member of the Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives.
- Calvin Trillin

Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
- Trotsky

... an OS originally designed for a microprocessor that modern kitchen appliances would sneer at....
- Dave Trowbridge, about MS-DOS, in _Computer Technology Review_, Aug 90

Law of Local Anesthesia: Never say "oops" in the operating room.
- Dr. Leo Troy

America: the only country in the world where failing to promote yourself is regarded as being arrogant.
- Garry Trudeau

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.
- Pierre Trudeau - Prime Minister of Canada 1968-1979

Let us overthrow the totems, break the taboos. Or better, let us consider them cancelled. Coldly, let us be intelligent.
- Pierre Trudeau - Prime Minister of Canada 1968-1979

In reality, though, the first thing to ask of history is that it should point out to us the paths of liberty. The great lesson to draw from revolutions is not that they devour humanity but rather that tyranny never fails to generate them.
- Pierre Trudeau

Some commentators have suggested that I do not really exist, that I am the figment of the imagination of certain newspaper columnists and television producers. Personally, I reject this extreme view.
- Pierre Trudeau

Class is material consumed.
- John Trudell

How did Biot arrive at the partial differential equation? [the heat conduction equation] . . . Perhaps Laplace gave Biot the equation and left him to sink or swim for a few years in trying to derive it. That would have been merely an instance of the way great mathematicians since the very beginnings of mathematical research have effortlessly maintained their superiority over ordinary mortals.
- Clifford Truesdell

Thermodynamics is the kingdom also of running current history as well as polemics, not to mention verbosity. In no other discipline have the same equations been published over and over again so many times by different authors in different ill-defined notations and therefore claimed as his own by each; in no other has a single author seen fit to publish essentially the same ideas over and over again within a period of twenty years; and nowhere else is the ratio of talk and excuse to reason and result so high.
- Clifford Truesdell

The work of Leslie is particularly confusing. The mischievous muse of thermodynamics made him inweave his simple statements about heat in a horrid mess of difficult, irrelevant, and unexplained calculations. His and other early theories of heat make much of entities as imperceptible as voids and vortices or, for that matter, angels. They belong not to physics but to what would now be regarded as speculative philosophy.
- Clifford Truesdell

He’ll sit here and he’ll say, "Do this! Do that!" and nothing will happen.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972), on presidential power

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

If that’s art, I’m a Hottentot!
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian control of the military.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it’s hell.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

Men make history, and not the other way around. In periods where there is no leadership, society stands still. Progress occurs when courageous, skillful leaders seize the opportunity to change things for the better.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

Nixon is a shifty-eyed goddamn liar....He’s one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.
- Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others.
- Alan Trusco

The youth of today and of those to come after them would assess the work of the revolution in accordance with values of their own ... a thousand years from now, all of them, even Marx, Engels, and Lenin, would possibly appear rather ridiculous.
- Mao Tse-tung

Earth is the cradle of human kind, but one cannot live in a cradle forever.
- Konstantin Tsiokovsky

If you were in a room with Kadaffi, Saddam Hussien, and John Sununu, and you only had two bullets, what would you do. Shoot John Sununu twice.
- Paul Tsongas

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.
- Lao Tsu

No man’s life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
- Judge Gideon J. Tucker

It gives me pleasure to be praised by you whom all men praise.
- Tully

The way to avoid the imputation of impudence is not to be ashamed of what we do, but never to do what we ought to be ashamed of.
- Tully

Families, when a child is born Want it to be intelligent. I, through intelligence, Having wrecked my whole life, Only hope the baby will prove Ignorant and stupid. Then he will crown a tranquil life By becoming a Cabinet Minister
- Su Tung-p’o

Nature is the chart of God, mapping out all His attrributes; art is the shadow of His wisdom, and copieth His resources.
- Tupper

The enemy came. He was beaten. I am tired. Goodnight.
- Message sent by Vicomte Turenne after the battle of Dunen, 1658

Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
- Alan M. Turing

We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all purely intellectual fields. But which are the best ones to start with? Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the playing of chess, would be best. It can also be maintained that it is best to provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English.
- Alan M. Turing

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
- Turnaucka’s Law

Mathematics may humbly help in the market-place, but it also reaches to the stars.
- Herbert Westren Turnbull

Mathematics transfigures the fortuitous concourse of atoms into the tracery of the finger of God.
- Herbert Westren Turnbull

While Mother Nature doesn’t publish source, she winks benignly at all those physicists who spend all their time reverse engineering.
- Stephen J. Turnbull

If I had any humility I would be perfect.
- Ted Turner

Life is like a B-grade movie. You don’t want to leave in the middle of it, but you don’t want to see it again.
- Ted Turner

Nuclear war would really set back cable TV.
- Ted Turner

If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "Advice to Youth" Speech, 1882

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don’t try to knock her down with it.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Carlyle said, "A lie cannot live"; it shows he did not know how to tell them.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - he could not even lie.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you like.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. (Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.)
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by any man, but coaxed down stairs one step at a time.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Here _you_ come again with your arithmetical conundrums, when I am suffering death with a cold in the head.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I can speak French but I cannot understand it.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If you don’t like the weather in New England, wait fifteen minutes; it will change.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus one "when he was a boy," and one, "when he was a man."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In his private heart no man much respects himself.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In India, cold weather is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it’s the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It’s a good idea to obey all the rules when you’re young just so you’ll have the strength to break them when you’re old.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Those who don’t read have no advantage over those who can’t.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightening that does the work.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again -- and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

What gets us in to trouble is not what we don’t know. It’s what we know for sure that just ain’t so.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won’t be so bad at all.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Whoo-oop! I’m the old original iron-jawed, brass-mounted, copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansaw! Look at me! I’m the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam’d by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the small pox on my mother’s side! Look at me! I take nineteen alligators and a bar’l of whisky for breakfast when I’m in robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I’m ailing! I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I squench the thunder when I speak! Whoo-oop! Stand back and give me room according to my strength! Blood’s my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ear! Cast your eye on me, gentlemen!--and lay low and hold your breath, for I’m ’bout to turn myself loose!
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Yes, Agassiz _does_ recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brain. So far you are correct. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat-- at least, not with certainty. If the specimen composition you send is about your fair usual average, I should judge that a couple of whales would be all you would want for the present. Not the largest kind, but simply good middling-sized whales.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910), The Innocents Abroad

I don’t care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating
- Boss Tweed

If it ain’t source, it ain’t software.
- D. Tweten

Five things I can not trace: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, the way of a man to a woman’s heart, and the way of a hacker who corrupts the audit files
- Doug Tygar, freely adapting from Proverbs 30:18-19

The woman of my dreams knows how to break into systems.
- Doug Tygar

A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves money from the Public Treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidate promising the most benefits from the Public Treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy always followed by dictatorship.
- Alexander Fraser Tyler, "The Decline and Fall of the Athenian Republic"

Fundamentalists are to Christianity what paint-by-numbers is to art.
- Robin Tyler

A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.
- Kenneth Tynan (1927-1980)

A military disaster may produce a better postwar situation than victory.
- Shimon Tzabar

[Advise] the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish -- that is, don’t turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates.
- Lao Tzu

He who knows does not speak, He who speaks does not know.
- Lao Tzu

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be.
- Lao Tzu

War is a matter of vital importance to the State; the province of life or death; the road to survival or ruin. It is mandatory that it be thoroughly studied.
- Sun Tzu

Generally in war the best policy is to take a state intact; to ruin it is inferior to this. To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
- Sun-Tzu, The Art of War

To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable. The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
- Sun Tzu, "The Art of War"

When campaigning, be swift as the wind; in leisurely march, majestic as the forest; in raiding and plundering, like fire; in standing, firm as the mountains. As unfathomable as the clouds, move like a thunderbolt.
- Sun Tzu, "The Art of War"



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This page is maintained by Tom Strong <strong@dementia.org>. If you find an error or omission on these pages, I would appreciate an update or correction.

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