*** Spam *** from The Final Rip Off *** transcribed from tape 3/30/88 Daniel Rich Man: Morning. Waitress: Morning. M: Well, what you got? W: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; (vikings start singing in background) spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. Vikings: Spam, spam , spam, spam, lovely spam, lovely spam. W (cont): or lobster thermador ecrovets with a bournaise sause, served in the purple salm manor with chalots and overshies, garnashed with truffle pate, brandy, a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got much spam in it. Wi: I don't want any spam! M: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage? Wi: That's got spam in it. M: It hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage and spam has it? Wi: (over vikings starting again) Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam then? Wa: Ech! Wi: What do you mean ech! I don't like spam! V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam....etc Wa: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bloody vikings. You can't have egg, bacon spam and sausage without the spam. Wi: I don't like spam! M: Sh dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. (starts vikings off again) V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc Wa: Shut up! Baked beans are off. M: Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans? Wa: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam? V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc...spam, spam, spam! (in harmony)