Miss Anne Elk as transcribed by Tim Pointing, DCIEM 870914 From "Monty Python's Previous Record" Cast: Chris (Interviewer) Anne Elk Chris: Good evening. Tonight: "dinosaurs". I have here, sitting in the studio next to me, an elk. Ahhhh!!! Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Elk - Mrs Anne Elk Anne: Miss! C: Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on di... A: N' n' n' n' no! Anne Elk! C: What? A: Anne Elk, not Anne Expert! C: No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Elk, were an , A-N not A-N-N-E, expert... A: Oh! C: ...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. I'm ... A: Yes, I certainly am, Chris. How very true. My word yes. C: Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about the brontosaurus. A: Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus? C: Uh... Exactly... What is it? A: Where? C: No! No, what is your theory? A: What is my theory? C: Yes! A: What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may well ask what is my theory. C: I am asking. A: And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask what it is, this theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is to say, which is mine,... is mine. C: I know it's yours! What is it? A: ... Where? ... Oh! Oh! What is my theory? C: Yes! A: Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that I am about to relate. [starts prolonged throat clearing] C: [under breath] Oh, God! [Anne still clearing throat] A: The Theory, by A. Elk (that's "A" for Anne", it's not by a elk.) C: Right... A: [clears throat] This theory, which belongs to me, is as follows... [more throat clearing] This is how it goes... [clears throat] The next thing that I am about to say is my theory. [clears throat] Ready? C: [wimpers] A: The Theory, by A. Elk [Miss]. My theory is along the following lines... C: [under breath]God! A: ...All brontosauruses are thin at one end; much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine and what it is, too. C: That's it, is it? A: Right, Chris! C: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the nail right on the head. A: ... and it's mine. C: Thank you for coming along to the studio. A: My pleasure, Chris. C: Britain's newest wasp farm... A: It's been a lot of fun... C: ...opened last week... A: ...saying what my theory is... C: ... Yes, thank you. A: ...and whose it is. C: Yes.... opened last week... A: I have another theory. C: Not today, thank you. A: My theory #2, which is the second theory that I have. [clears throat]. This theory... C: Look! Shut up! A: ...is what I am about to say. C: Please shut up! A: which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine and which belong to me. C: If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you! A: [clears throat] My xxx theory, which I posses the ownership of, which belongs to... [Sound of a single gun shot] A: [clearing throat] The Theory the Second, by Anne... [Sound of prolonged machine gun fire]