Ever read the disclaimers that come along with shrink-wrapped software? You
know the kind - They'd be null and void if you actually agreed to them because
you'd have to be insane? Well I've seen a couple versions of this document
over the years. It could come in handy; just include it with your check.
.
                 AGREEMENT AND LIMITED WARRANTY

This check is fully warranted against defects and poor workmanship
in its stationery. If check is physically damaged, return it to me
and I will repair or replace it at my discretion. No other warranty
of any kind is made, neither express nor implied including, but not
limited to, the implied warranties of merchantability, suitability
for purpose, and validity of currency. Any and all risk concerning
the actual value of this check is assumed by you, the recipient.
Even though I or my agents may have assured you of its worth,
either verbally or in written communication, we may have had our
fingers crossed, so don't come whimpering back to me if it bounces.

The money, if any, represented by this instrument remains my
property. You are licensed to use it, however you are not permitted
to copy the original check, nor are you permitted to give the money
itself to anyone else. Neither may you allow any other person to
use the money. Remember, you may have it in your possession, but it
still belongs to me, and I'm going to call you up from time to time
just to keep tabs on it.

This agreement supersedes all others between us, including the
equally ridiculous one you have pasted on your packaging, or
concealed somewhere in the middle of it. The location of your
version of this or any other agreement is not relevant to its
inapplicability here. Only this one pertains and I really mean it!
In fact, even if yours says it supersedes mine, mine supersedes
yours. Why, even if yours says it supersedes mine even if mine says
it supersedes yours, even if yours says it supersedes mine, mine
still supersedes yours. So there!
You may decline this agreement by returning the uncashed check to
me within twenty-four hours. If you attempt to cash it, however,
you implicitly accept these terms. You may also accept the terms
by:

1) Calling my bank to inquire about the status of my account;

2) Thanking me at the conclusion of this transaction;

3) Going to bed at the end of this or any other day; or

4) Using any toilet or rest room.

Please be advised that I have adopted a strict rubber-glue policy.
Any nasty thing that your lawyers say bounces off of me and sticks
back to you. Be further advised that violation of any of these
terms is punishable by fine, imprisonment, death, any two of the
above, or all three, so tread lightly. You wouldn't want to piss me off!