Date: Thu, 6 Dec 90 00:33:13 -0500 (EST) From: Daniel K. Appelquist To: us0s+students.wean,graffifi.dan&eric Subject: Small Frogs make good pets The following is a manuscript I found in the Acon desk, burried under some Mesa Language Manuals. It smelled of old socks, but I made my best effort to transcribe it for you here. I take absolutely no responsibility. For anything. Dan A. Acon at large -------------------------------------------------------------------- Robocon It is late. Nathan Loofbourrow is hunched over the ccon machine in Wean, squinting at his screen as if looking for some secret message, some hidden sign that would reveal itself only with diligent observation. He pecks a few keys and then fell silent, leaning deftly back in his chair. "Wha'ca up to, Nate?" It's Dan. Nathan stares at his screen for another two seconds before acknowledging the seasoned Acon's presence. "Oh nothing," he replies carefully, still regarding his screen. He pecks a few more keys as Dan sits down next to him. "See that guy over there?" Dan points to one of the machines in the back. "Hmm?" Nathan looks warily over the top of his machine and beholds, to his horror, someone drinking a Coke! "Oh man!" he exclaims. "Whadda we do?" Reflexively, he pulls the drawer open and reaches for the .45. Dan stays his hand. "No no... Let's go for the subtle approach first." "Right... Sorry." Nathan, flushed, closes the drawer and gets up. Trepidatiously, he approaches the man seated in back, slinking across the cluster with the demeanor of a man who thinks his sentences were getting too long. "Excuse me, sir," he says, tapping the man tentatively on the shoulder. He is ignored. Nathan looks questioningly back at Dan, who is still standing behind the ccon desk. Dan nods as if to say, "try again." Nathan taps the mysterious man on the shoulder again, this time more forcefully. "Excuse me, sir." he says, now louder. "You can't drink..." He never finishes his sentence. The man whips around in his chair exposing a concealed shotgun and fires two lightning-fast shots into Nate's gut. Blood sprays everywhere. He is propelled backwards, sprawling. There is silence as he falls against a Decstation and slides to the floor. Someone screams. Dan, his lightning fast cat-like reflexes coming to bear, reaches for the drawer, and the .45, but when he comes up to fire, it is too late. In the chaos, the stranger has escaped, leaving only a slowly rotating chair. After pressing the panic button, Dan runs over to where Nate lies sprawled, his guts on display. "Don't worry, man. I pressed the panic button. Help's on the way." Nathan spits blood and is finally able to weakly croak "It's too late for me, Dan. I'm going to that big Siggraph in the sky!" "Don't talk like that, man! You'll be fine!" Dan says desperately, knowing his words will not be true. At that moment, Nathan breathes a heavy breath and falls unconsciousness, his head slumping. Suddenly Gary and his special troopers rush into the room. "We'll handle it from here Dan," Gary says hastily. They quickly remove Nathan on a stretcher and Dan remains, kneeling before a pool of blood, a look of remorse frozen on his face. Slowly he mouths "All those things I could do... All those Acon powers. And I couldn't even save him." Silence again. * * * Beep. "He's coming on line, Sir." The voice is familiar to him, but he can't place it. He can't think very clearly. It seems like there is a face in front of him, but he can't tell who's. His vision is indistinct, fuzzy. "It's too soon." The new voice is a male one. Also familiar, but vaguely. "Shut him down." Everything goes black. * * * Beep. "He's online." This time the picture is more distinct. A face, one that again is recognizable but he cannot put a name to, is peering quizzically into his visual field. "Do we have video?" "We have video." The voices come from outside his range of vision. He tries to turn his head to see the speakers but he cannot. "Stress level's increasing." "Do we have audio?" "We have audio." "Bring the secondaries online." Suddenly his sight flashes and a blinking cursor comes to life at the lowermost edge. Characters start to appear in a familiar pattern: KN01..V13.34 17..16..15..14..13..12..11..10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1 -572 Ultrixboot rz(0,5,0) Ultrix V5.4 DEC 8 1996 WED 12:43:32 AM EST "Silicon coming online. We have positive feedback." "My God," he thinks "I'm a Decstation!" * * * "Gentlemen, the clusters are a mess." Chris Thyberg pounded his desk in an uncharacteristic gesture of disgust and frustration. "But now we have the solution: Robocon." A series of gasps issues from those gathered around the table as a curtain behind him folds back. Standing there is a seven foot monstrosity. A cyborg of immense proportions, his metallic skin gleaming with recent polish. The only vaguely human part is a solid jawline. Where his eyes should be, a red glowing strip. "Robocon is the ultimate deterrent against cluster violence. Solving the very problem that made its creation possible." He turns and addresses the metal giant. "Robocon. What are your prime directives?" As the shining monster begins to recite in a monotone, words appear in his visual field: 1. Enforce AC Policy 2. Protect Law-Abiding Users 3. Viciously gun down anyone playing Xtrek 4. This last one remains unspoken. "Very good, Robocon," Chris says with a smile. That will be all. You can switch off now." His sight goes dark, leaving only the blinking fourth directive as a ghost image, fading slowly until all is blackness. * * * Dan sits calmly at the Acon desk, his feet resting up on his desk in a nonchalant pose. At the ccon desk is Jon Slenk. "I still can't figure out what happened, Jon. One minute that stranger was there, the NeXT, Gone." "Somebody took a NeXT?" Jon wakes from his usual stupor. "No! Listen to me! The gunman!" "Oh." Jon sinks back into his chair. "Don't worry about it, Dan." Jon says. "There was nothing you could have done. It was just some psycho. Nobody knows who it was, but it's out of your hands now." Dan slips into silence. Suddenly, there's a commotion out in the hallway. CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK! What sounds like footsteps amplified 10 fold echo rhythmically through the hall. Dan walks up and stares. The crowd parts and Robocon walks through... Dan's jaw drops. "Hey Jon. Get a load of this!" "Hmmph?" "Look man!" The steel menace, followed by a hoard of technicians and AC employees, enters the room. Moving his head in anticipation of every course change, he navigates himself around the printers to stand behind the ccon desk, and the astonished Jon Slenk. Jon stares up at the monster for a second and then says "What the hell is that?" Gary is the one who speaks. "Robocon. From now on, wean will be staffed twenty-four hours. By Robocon. The ccon will be obsolete." Dan turns to Gary. "What is this man? We could have at least been told!" "Don't ask me. I only learned about this three days ago at a top-secret meeting with Chris and Joan." A hush comes over the room at the mention of the Dominatrix of AC&IT's name. "There's no room for discussion." While the astonished Jon and Dan watch, the technicians begin to build a complex mechanism behind the desk, under the direction of Jeremy Mereness. "Jerry," Dan says. "Were you involved with this?" "What...?" Jeremy turns to regard Dan with a blank glance. "Oh yeah. Hey Dan. What's up?" Dan merely shakes his head in bewilderment. When the technicians are done, a gleaming metal chair sits bolted to the floor. "Robocon, sit down," Jerry orders and Robocon complies with a loud CLANK. "Ok - he's all set to go. Just watch him file output! Please report any malfunctions in your SER." Jerry and his technicians scurry out leaving only Gary, Robocon, and the astonished Dan and Jon. Dan is the first to speak. "What does this mean?" "This is the future of AC, Dan." Gary says, slapping Dan on the back. "A joint project of the Robotics department, DEC, and the Department of Agriculture." "Agriculture?" Jon says incredulously. "There was a funding error. We didn't complain." "Oh. What about my shift?" But Gary was already on his way out. Jon looked at Dan plaintively. "What about my shift?" "I guess you're obsolete, Jon," Dan offered. "Replaced by a hunk of metal?" "Not just any hunk of metal," observes Dan. "That jawline looks fairly familiar! I'd know those pudgy cheeks anywhere. That's Nathan!" At the mention of the name "Nathan," Robocon's head swivels to face the two. "What did you say." it states in a monotone. "You're Nathan Loofbourrow, right?" Dan probes, moving closer to the immovable robot. "I am Robocon. I do not know that name." "Then why did you turn your head when I said `Nathan,' eh?" "I do not know." Without warning, a laughing CFA student walks in with an opened bottle of Yoo-Hoo. The action is almost too fast to make out. Robocon stands. He produces a pistol, and fires at point blank range, knocking the Yoo-Hoo cleanly out of the startled student's hand. Its trajectory is such that it lands perfectly in the trashbasket on the other side of the room. Not a drop was spilled during its journey. Robocon twirls his pistol on his finger and blows across the top, finally replacing it in a compartment in his thigh. "Thank you for not drinking in the cluster." He sits, resuming his previous position. The CFA student is already gone, running down the hallway screaming "All I wanted to do is check my mail!" Dan picks himself off the floor, where he dropped at some unknown time during the brief firefight. "Wow... You drink a Jolt on the way over here?" "I do not know what `Jolt' is. I am Robocon." "So you keep saying," Dan replies. "Look. If you are constructed from Human and Robot parts, you must have once been a human, correct?" "Correct." "Why do I suddenly feel like Captain Kirk?" "I do not know." "Never mind. Anyway, if you were once a human, you must contain some trace of your former self. Remember, Nathan! I know it's you in there!" "I am not Nathan. I am Robocon." "Come on! You've - got - to remember!" Silence. A sipping sound is heard from the back of the cluster. Both Robocon and Dan turn their heads simultaneously. It is the dark stranger again, sipping his Coke. "Hey! There he is again!" Dan exclaims. Robocon is already on his feet, stomping across the cluster. "Excuse me, Sir. You'll have to step out side. You have five seconds to comply." The stranger turns, slowly this time, to regard Robocon. This time Dan can see his face, and he gasps in horror. "Jay Laefer?! Haven't you graduated yet?!" "Five." "I'm close." Jay pulls out his shotgun and fires a quick volley at Robocon. "Four." No effect. Jay only smiles. "Only one, problem, buddy," he is addressing Robocon now. "Three." "I left CDEC six years ago." "Two." "But I was never officially fired." Silence. Robocon's view is punctuated by a flashing green "Directive Four". Dan stands astonished as Jay gets up and walks towards Robocon, holding his coke menacingly. "You see. I worked on the Robocon project in its early stages and I managed to work a fourth directive into your protocol, Robocon. You are unable to harm DWS, DUCS, AC&IT, or CDEC personnel in any way." He cracks a wry grin. "Why did you do it Jay? Why did you kill Nathan?" "Humor value." Dan seems dumbfounded. "But there must be a reason!" "You mean some sort of diabolical plan where I'm really trying to usurp power from the rightful heads of AC and thereby control all computing resources to utilize them for my nefarious purposes to control the world?" "Yeah..." "No. Just a harmless prank?" "I'd hardly call it harmless! Nathan's dead!" Dan replies, stunned. Suddenly Gary bursts in. "You're fired, Jay. Robocon, kill him!" Jay only laughs. "You can't fire me, Gary. Did I forget to mention, the other part of the fourth directive? If I give Robocon a command, he must follow it. Kill Gary, Robocon, and then kill that trouble maker, Dan, too." Robocon turns slowly and walks towards Gary. "No Robocon, you're malfunctioning!" Gary implored. Robocon keeps moving. "Nathan," Dan implored. "You can't kill Gary! Live beyond your programming, Nathan! Remember your past and break through the barriers they've put on your mind!" Dan runs up behind Robocon, jumping up on his back, trying to hold him back. Robocon doesn't seem to notice as he pulls out his pistol. His metal finger closing slowly on the trigger. "No Nathan! You can't do this. You can't kill in cold blood! If there's one ounce of humanity left in you, rebel and stop the cold inhuman side! Fight back, Nathan! Fight!" * * * "Fight!" Dan yells, suddenly sitting in the Wean ccon chair, a fedora tipped comfortably over his face. He suddenly wakes with a start, a terrified look on his face. Gradually, the look disolves into one of realization. "What's up, Dan," Nathan asks quizzically from a nearby workstation. "I had the most horrible dream! It had you in it, and Jay, and Gary and Jon Slenk. I'm so glad it was all just a dream." CLANK CLANK CLANK ...or was it?