The Great Operating System Quiz

In the months (and perhaps years) ahead, many of us will be confronted by a
decision:  What operating system to choose?  DOS?  OS/2?  Unix?  DOS with
Windows?

Circle either the DOS, OS/2, W (for Windows), or Unix choice next to your
favorite answer.  Count up the number of answers for each choice.  Whichever
one dominates should be the right operating system for you.  If there is a
mishmash of answers, then you should probably wait another year. 

Dvorak's Operating System Quiz

1.  What application do you expect to use the most?
DOS)  A spreadsheet.
OS/2)  A large, complex database.
W) Solitaire.
Unix) grep

2.  What is your favorite TV show?
DOS)  "Nova".
OS/2)  "The MacNeil-Lehrer Report"
W) Woody Woodpecker.
Unix)  The 3:00 am test pattern.

3.  What is your favorite hobby?
DOS)  Stamp collecting.
OS/2)  Bird watching.
W)  Snail racing.
Unix) Button collecting.

4.  What kind of clothes do you prefer?
DOS)  Sports suit, no tie;
OS/2)  Suit and tie;
W)  Sweater and jeans.
Unix)  Nerdy T-shirt, jeans, and no underpants.

5.  What kind of music do you like?
DOS)  The Beatles.
OS/2)  Classical.
W)  New Age fusion music.
Unix)  Tuba solos.

6.  What's your favorite color?
DOS)  Modern beige.
OS/2)  Blue.
W) Stark White.
Unix)  Pizza-stain red.

7.  What's your favorite car?
DOS)  Ford.
OS/2)  Lexus.
W)  Fake Bugatti.
Unix)  Borgward.

8.  Who is your favorite artist?
DOS)  Rembrandt.
OS/2)  Pollack.
W) Dali.
Unix)  Gary Larsen.

9.  Who is your favorite author?
DOS)  Robert Heinlein.
OS/2)  Tom Wolfe.
W)  John Madden.
Unix)  Walt Disney.

10.  Who is your favorite actor?
DOS)  Rod steiger.
OS/2)  John Wayne.
W)  Leonard Nimoy.
Unix)  Richard Simmons.

11.  Who was your favorite president?
DOS)  Abraham Lincoln.
OS/2)  Ronald Reagan.
W)  Jack Kennedy.
Unix)  Hubert Humphrey.

12.  What's your preferred breakfast food?
DOS)  Cereal.
OS/2)  Steak and eggs.
W)  Soft-boiled egg.
Unix)  Pizza.

13.  If time wasn't important, how would you prefer to travel?
DOS)  Walk.
OS/2)  Steam train.
W)  Hot air balloon.
Unix) Pogo stick.

14. (To be answered by men)  If you were stuck on a desert island with only
one woman, whom would you choose?
DOS)  Kim Basinger.
OS/2)  Meryl Streep.
W)  Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
Unix)  A photo of Kim Basinger.

15. (To be answered by women)  If you were stuck on a desert island with only
one man, whom would you choose?
DOS)  Kevin Costner.
OS/2)  Arnold Schwarzzenegger.
W)  Bill Gates.
Unix)  A photo of Kim Basinger.

16.  When you get up in the morning, what is the first thing you do?
DOS)  Shower.
OS/2)  Brush my teeth.
W)  Gargle.
Unix)  Pick off food stuck to body from sleeping with pizza.

17.  What's the last thing you do before going to bed?
DOS)  Let out the cat and turn off the lights.
OS/2)  Brush my teeth.
W)  Pray.
Unix)  Check to see if there is a pizza in the bed.

Tally your score and don't waste a minute finding pleasure in the operating
system that suits you best.  One disclaimer I have to make:"  Anyone scoring
17 straight "Unix" answers should seek counseling immediately.