For those of you confused by all the techno-jargon surrounding
   cars these days, this list is for you. A few of these defenitions were
   taken from WHEELS mag. jun '90. Read and enjoy........

        THE NOT SO COMPLETE LIST OF MOTORING DEFENITIONS
                              

Active Safety   -       You decided to stay at home.

Air Bag         -       The taxi driver wouldn't shut up.

Anti-Theft Device  -    Datsun 120Y.

Bore            -       Most Volvos.

Brakes          -       Something upon which to lay the blame for your
                        excursion into the scenery.

Car Alarm       -       You paid $900 for an alarm clock.

Clutch          -       What you do to the steering wheel of your car just
                        before your excursion into the scenery.

Cruise Control  -       A brick.

Driver's Footrest -     The dashboard.

Engine Response -       Ability to keep damage to the passenger's head 
                        divided  equally between the headrest and the 
                        glovebox lid.

Ergonomics      -       Highly subjective measure of the ease of use of 
                        the car's controls. Basically, did you try to light 
                        your cigarette with the choke knob, change gears
                        with the handbrake or tune the radio with the
                        air-conditioner.

Four-wheel drive-       Vehicle capable of travelling off-road, used by most
                        people to tackle such challenges as the speed-humps 
                        at the local McDonalds.

Fully-Independent Suspension -  Each wheel had a mind of its own. 

Gas Shocks      -       What owners of V-8 get when they pay for petrol.

Handling        -       Readiness of the car to accept your suggestion as to
                        which end hits what first.

Intermittent Wipers-    They don't always work.

Leaf Springs    -       Where motoring journalists go for their holidays.

Low-Profile     -       What a motoring journalist keeps after crashing that
                        Porsche 911 they were testing.

McPherson Strut -       Type of step used by Paris fashion models.

Mercedes-Benz   -       Something that affects German Scuba-divers.

Optional Extra  -       It should have come free, but someone in sales &
                        marketing ran Excel and figured they'd double
                        profits this way.

Passive Safety  -       The car's ability to retain you alive for another try.

Performance Enhancement   -    Turbo badges, pinstripes, plastic spoilers
                        and "Mugen" stickers.

Ride Quality    -       Something addressed in England by suspension, in
                        Germany by local roadbuilding, in Australia by
                        upholstry and in Japan by the sound system.

Styling         -       What the car looked like before the accident.

Suspension      -       State of your driver's licence after trying to find 
                        how fast your father's Saab Turbo could go.

Turning Circle  -       Exactly 20cm more than you needed to miss next-doors
                        new BMW-850i

Transmission    -       Something to do with the radio.

Understeer      -       Declaration of independence made by the car with 
                        reference to any input that you care to make via the
                        steering wheel.

Warranty        -       The thing that expired two days before your gearbox
                        started making a noise like a monkey-wrench in a 
                        blender.

24hour roadside 
assistance hotline -    Telecom repairman's busy signal test number.


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     Scott.P                University of New South Wales, Australia.
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