The following is an edited summary of discussions of Tom Lehrer taken largely from USENET postings. A large portion is from bhoward@Neon.Stanford.EDU (Brian Howard) who originally compiled much of the first part of the list from discussions on the local boards at Stanford. The rest has come randomly over time from various sources. I saved them all (being quite a fan of Tom Lehrer); here is an edited summary. Apologies for not including all sources; they were not all kept. ======================================================================== (from Tony Siegman) "The Derivative Song" To the tune of "Balling the Jack": You take an f(x) and you call it y Take any x-nought that you care to try You take a little change and call it delta-x The corresponding change in y is what you find nex' Now divide one by the other, and then care-full-ee Send delta-x to zero and I think you'll see If we have done it rightly, and our work all checks (With feeling!!) That's what we call dy-ah-dx!.......It's just dy-ah-dx! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here are the words to Lobachevsky, as they appear in ``Too Many Songs by Tom Lehrer (with not enough drawings by Ronald Searle)'' (I don't have the publication information handy, but it came out in the last decade). [ed. and also on the '59 12-inch record, and the '53 10-inch record] _Lobachevsky_ Who made me the genius I am today, The mathematician that others all quote, Who's the professor that made me that way? The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat. One man deserves the credit, One man deserves the blame, And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Hi! Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach- I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky. In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: Plagarize! Plagarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagarize, plagarize, plagarize- Only be sure always to call it please 'research'. And ever since I meet this man My life is not the same, And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Hi! Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach- I am never forget the day I am given first original paper to write. It was on analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean metrization of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifold. Bozhe moi! This I know from nothing. But I think of great Lobachevsky and get idea - ahah! I have a friend in Minsk, Who has a friend in Pinsk, Whose friend in Omsk Has friend in Tomsk With friend in Akmolinsk. His friend in Alexandrovsk Has friend in Petropavlosk, Whose friend somehow Is solving now The problem in Dnepropetrovsk. And when his work is done- Haha! - begins the fun. From Dnepropetrovsk To Petropavlosk, By way of Iliysk, And Novorossiysk, To Alexandrovsk to Akmolinsk To Tomsk to Omsk To Pinsk to Minsk To me the news will run, Yes, to me the news will run! And then I write By morning, night, And afternoon, And pretty soon My name in Dnepropetrovsk is cursed, When he finds out I publish first! And who made me a big success And brought me wealth and fame? Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Hi! Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach- I am never forget the day my first book is published. Every chapter I stole from somewhere else. Index I copy from old Vladivostok telephone directory. This book was sensational! Pravda - well, Pravda- Pravda said: (**) It stinks. But Izvestia! Izvestia said: (**) It stinks. Metro-Goldwyn-Moskva buys movie rights for six million rubles, Changing title to 'The Eternal Triangle', With Ingrid Bergman [yeah, I know, the record says Doris Day] playing part of hypotenuse. And who deserves the credit? And who deserves the blame? Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Hi! ---- (**) At each of these two junctures one should insert some phrase in Russian (if the audience does not speak Russian) or some Russian double-talk (if it does). The author's own choices varied from performance to performance, ranging from the merely inappropriate to the distinctly obscene. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summary of comments by Dr. Demento in discussing Tom Lehrer's recording history: Tom Lehrer's first album was in fact Songs by Tom Lehrer. It was originally pressed in a 10-inch version and distributed entirely through mail order and direct sales from Mr. Lehrer himself, mostly to colleges, Lehrer having just graduated from Harvard. It became very successful, and he toured around for awhile, after which he released a second album (name forgotten) consisting of the same songs as on Songs by Tom Lehrer (which by this time was available from a real record company in full size 12 inch) but recorded live on the tour. [ed. I have a copy of the 59 12-inch record; a friend has a copy of the '53 10-inch record; they are both the same, with even the red dust cover looking the same, a 'horned and tailed' gentleman playing a swirling row of piano keys... the songs include 'Be Prepared', (the Boy Scout song that includes the line... and if you meet a girl scout who is similarly inclined, Be prepared!), Dixie, and a country/western saga of the AEC and the wild west!] A year or two later his next two albums were released, simultaneously. They again had the same songs (as each other, that is), with one live and one studio. The live on, "An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer", has survived to this day. The other one (name again forgotten) didn't do nearly as well and is extremely rare. Shortly thereafter, Lehrer got sick of the touring life and retired from the comedy/music biz. He was lured out of retirement to write songs for the TV show That Was the Week That Was, and he did just a couple of live shows featuring those songs, which were recorded and used on the album _That Was the Year That Was_. Then he retired again and is now a part-time lecturer in Math at Santa Cruz or Santa Barbara or Santa Claus or some such place. [ed. Santa Cruz is correct] ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know of three songs by Tom Lehrer that aren't on any of the records (that I've heard), nor in the book or in the show (_Tomfoolery_, produced first in London in about 1980, I believe). I came across them by chance in some old American Math. Monthlies; I've checked their indexes/ices from the past 40 years or so but I haven't found any more -- 1974 seems to have been a very good year for the mag. One of them is the Derivative Song that Tony Siegman reported, with some slight differences; I'd like to know what his source was, if there are more to be found. Anyway, here they are: AMM, 81 (1974) 490: THE DERIVATIVE SONG Words by Tom Lehrer -- Tune: "There'll be Some Changes Made" You take a function of x and you call it y, Take any x-nought that you care to try, You make a little change and call it delta x, The corresponding change in y is what you find nex', And then you take the quotient and now carefully Send delta x to zero, and I think you'll see That what the limit gives us, if our work all checks, Is what we call dy/dx, It's just dy/dx. -------------------------------- AMM, 81 (1974) 612: THERE'S A DELTA FOR EVERY EPSILON (Calypso) Words and Music by Tom Lehrer There's a delta for every epsilon, It's a fact that you can always count upon. There's a delta for every epsilon And now and again, There's also an N. But one condition I must give: The epsilon must be positive A lonely life all the others live, In no theorem A delta for them. How sad, how cruel, how tragic, How pitiful, and other adjec- Tives that I might mention. The matter merits our attention. If an epsilon is a hero, Just because it is greater than zero, It must be mighty discouragin' To lie to the left of the origin. This rank discrimination is not for us, We must fight for an enlightened calculus, Where epsilons all, both minus and plus, Have deltas To call their own. -------------------------------- AMM, 81 (1974) 745: THE PROFESSOR'S SONG Words by Tom Lehrer -- Tune: "If You Give Me Your Attention" from _Princess_Ida_ (Gilbert and Sullivan) If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am. I'm a brilliant math'matician -- also something of a ham. I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I've one of each; Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach. I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it's true, And I can't see why it isn't all as obvious to _you_. Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned, Yet everybody tells me that I'm hard to understand, And I can't think why. My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree, And my handwriting is famous for its legibility. Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word), {This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote: /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/} For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd. The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year, Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear, And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure, Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure, And I can't think why. Consider, for example, just the force of gravity: It's inversely proportional to something -- let me see -- It's r^3 -- no, r^2 -- no, it's just r, I'll bet -- The sign in front is plus -- or is it minus, I forget -- Well, anyway, there _is_ a force, of that there is no doubt. All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out. Yet students tell me, "I have memorized the whole year through Ev'rything you've told us, but the problems I can't do." And I can't think why! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Tony Siegman again) My source for the "Derivative Song" was memory, so my version of the lyrics may have some errors. Also, my meory says the last line is "That's what we call dy-yie/dx", in close mimicry of "That's what we call ballin' the jack", to the same music as the latter. When I was an undergrad at Harvard in 1952 (or was it maybe when I was there as a visiting prof in '64?), Lehrer presented the final class session in one of the undergrad physics courses. Anyway, the class met in a physics lecture hall like Varian 100 or 101 in the Tank, with electrically operated blackboards. When this last special session was held, the lecture table had been rolled out, and a grand piano rolled in. The electric blackboards had been painted with colored chalk to look exactly like the proscenium and curtains at the Boston Symphony. The room was packed with everyone in the Department. Lehrer came in, in tails as I remember, dramatically punched the button that made the "curtains" go up, underneath was written in large letters "The Physical Revue", and he began an hour's worth of just that. Besides the "Derivative Song" (I think), there was certainly the "Periodic Table" song, Lobachevsky, and a round, sung with four associates, which I've never encountered since, which had Lehrer as professor and the others as students singing Now then, are there any questions? (G G G-G-G-G E C) Now then, are there any questions? (ditto) If there are none, (C C C A) Then I am done (C C C G) (And I have nothing more to say-ay) (E D C B D C A D C) (Last line not sure about, and also the music may be wrong) First student: Man, he asks if there are questions Man, I've got a million questions I've got a ton, And every one, Would take a half a day to ans-wer. There may have been more verses; I don't remember. If someone else knows of this, I'd be delighted to hear of a place to locate it. (It may have been a follow-on to the "Professor's Song"?) The only other Lehrer in my repertoire is "An awful debility, a lessened utility, a loss of mobility, is a strong possibility,..." ...which unfortunately begins to strike closer to home every year... --------------------------------------------------------------- and then there is that classic: THE VATICAN RAG by Tom Lehrer (copied from _That Was the Year that Was_ album, circa -'68 or -'69) First you get down on your knees, Fiddle with your rosaries, Bow your head with great respect, and Genuflect, genuflect, genuflect. Do whatever steps you want if You have cleared them with the pontiff. Everybody say his own kyrie eleison, Doing the Vatican rag. [Piano solo] Get in line in that processional, Step into that small confessional, There the guy that's got religion'll Tell you if your sin's original. If it is, try playing it safer, Take the wine and chew the wafer, Two, four, six, eight, Time to transsubstantiate! So get down upon your knees, Fiddle with your rosaries, Bow your head with great respect, and Genuflect, genuflect, genuflect. Make a cross on your abdomen, When in Rome do like a Roman. Ave Maria, gee it's good to see ya, Gettin' ecstatic an' Kind o' dramatic an' Doin' the Vatican Rag! -- Gary Bastin \-\-\ arpa: gbastin@x102c.harris-atd.com Mail Stop 102-4853 | phone: (407) 729-3304 Harris Corporation GASD | packet: WB4YAF @ N4JLR.FL.USA.NA P.O.B. 94000, Melbourne FL 32902 Speaking from, but not for, Harris! Gary Bastin \-\-\ arpa: gbastin@x102c.harris-atd.com Mail Stop 102-4853 | phone: (407) 729-3304 Harris Corporation GASD | packet: WB4YAF @ N4JLR.FL.USA.NA P.O.B. 94000, Melbourne FL 32902 Speaking from, but not for, Harris! About a year ago, I talked with a friend up at MIT, and he had on reel-to-reel an interview with Tom Lehrer. Two songs that did not appear on any of his albums included a cover of The 50 Russian Composers (similar in idea to The Elements) and this interesting song about Boston (my home) both which he plays live on the tape that I have. H is for my alma mater Hah-vahd, C it stands for Central, next stop on the line, K is for the cozy Kendall station C is Charles that overlooks the brine... P is Park (clears throat) Pahk Street, busy Boston station, W is Washington you see... Put them all together they spell... (HCCKKCC... PW... (sounds like somebody spitting)) Which is just about what Boston means to me! -Tom Lehrer ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Neal Lane Horovitz Carnegie Mellon University nh0a+@andrew.cmu.edu Pittsburgh, Pa. 15213 ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I was flyin' back from Lubbock, I saw Jesus on the plane, or maybe it was Elvis, you know, they kind of look the same." -Don Henley, "If Dirt Were Dollars" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- In article <1990Jan25.022434.14394@sun.soe.clarkson.edu> stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu writes: >From article <14100148@m.cs.uiuc.edu>, by carey@m.cs.uiuc.edu: > >> So whatever happened to Tom Lehrer anyway? > >As I recall, he went back to teaching, and gave up comedy/music because >the world "wasn't funny anymore." That's a scary thought... > > Steven Stadnicki > stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Tom is doing fine and sends his hellos to all his fans (actually, I don't think he knows he has any fans). Currently he is teaching math and American Studies at the University of California Santa Cruz; he teaches a math class in the Spring (I don't remember the name of the course -- "Nature of Math" or something) and during the Winter (UCSC is on the quarter system) he teaches a class known as the American Musical, admission given by audition, where the class learns gobs about the history and motivation behind several different musicals and puts on abridged versions of them every other week. I have the distinct honor of being a part of the course this year; I'm going to play Curly in "Oklahoma!" on Wednesday (don't tell me to break a leg, please!). Listen to these lyrics: Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry When I take you out in my surry When I take you out in the surry with the fringe on top Oscar Hammerstein must have been a heavy opium user. Anyway, this is probably nothing new since the class has been going on for 16 consecutive years. I'll tell him that everyone on the network sends regards. Jeffrey Osier, aka Curly aka Sergeant Malone ("Rose Marie") ---------------------CUT OVER THERE------------------------------------- ADDED BONUS TRACK: The Mountie Song (Malone's lyrics from "Rose Marie"...) Faaaaaar, over the snow, what are those voices? (mounties a long way off) >* over the snooowwww.... *< Theeeey sing as they gooo, what do those voices (mounties a long way off) >* sing as they gooooooo.... *< Look out for the Mounties, For here come the Mounties! They come, somebody hide, somebody'd be----terrrrr HIIIIIIIIIIDE... OFF through the hail, Like a pack of angry wolves on the trail.... (mounties in the distance:) we are after you.. Dead or alive, We are out to get you dead or alive... (mounties, getting closer:) and we'll get you too.. If you're the one, Better run, Better run away, Son, you are done, Throw your gun, Throw your gun away... Here come the Mounties to get the man they're AAAAAAFFFTEEEEERRRRRR NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!! (Malone and mounties salute) and that song's nowhere NEAR as bad as "Hard Boiled Herman", coming soon to a posting near you....