RULES OF GOLF

1.	A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and
	placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it
	carried or rolled in the rough.  Such veering right or left
	frequently results from the friction between the face of the
	club and the cover of the ball, and the player should not be
	penalized for erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such
	uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.

2.	A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the
	tree.  Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a
	scientific game.  The player should estimate the distance the
	ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree, and play
	the ball from there, preferably from atop a nice firm tuft of
	grass.

3.	There shall be no such thing as a lost ball.  The missing ball
	is on or near the course somewhere and eventually will be found
	and pocketed by someone else.  It thus becomes a stolen ball,
	and the player should not compound the felony by charging
	himself with a penalty stroke.

4.	In or near a bunker or sand trap, a ball rolling back toward
	the player may be hit again on the roll without counting an
	extra stroke, or strokes.  In any case, no more than two
	strokes are to be counted in playing from a bunker, since it is
	reasonable to assume that if the player had time to concentrate
	on his shot instead of hurrying it so as not to delay the game
	of his playing partners, he would be out in two.

5.	If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed
	to have dropped.  The law of gravity holds that any object
	attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without
	something to support it must drop.  The law of gravity
	supersedes the law of golf.

6.	Same thing goes for a ball that stops at the brink of the hole
	and hangs there defying gravity.  You cannot defy the law.

7.	Same thing goes for a ball that rims the cup.  A ball should
	not go sideways.  This violates the law of physics.

8.	A putt that stops close enought to the cup to inspire such
	comments as "you could blow it in" may be blown in.   This rule
	does not apply if the ball is more than three inches from the
	hole, because no one wants to make a travesty of the game.

9.	There is no penalty for a so-called "out of bounds" shot.  If
	penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this
	would not be a problem.  The golfer deserves an apology, not a
	penalty.

10.	There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard.  Golf balls
	should float.  The fact that they do not is a technological
	problem that the manufacturers have not yet overcome.  Again,
	the golfer should not be punished for someone else's
	shortcomings.

11.	Advertisements constantly proclaim that golf scores can be
	markedly improved by purchasing the newest clubs, balls, shoes
	and other golfing accessories.  Since this is financially
	impossible for the average golfer, 1/2 stroke per hole may be
	subtracted from the score for using old equipment.