We've been having some problems lately in dealing with our users (also
known as our "user interface"). Consultants must do the following things
to extend the courtesy and service that IS Academic Computing to our
user community.

1. Consultants should refrain from snickering at user's C code. Please
   suppress any and all laughter, no matter how bad it is, and no matter
   how many hours it took him or her to write it.

2. Consultants should avoid replying to questions about the NeXTs (i.e.
   "Why can't I read my mail", etc.) with "Don't bitch at me, go bitch
   at Steve Jobs."

3. No, really. No snickering!

4. Consultants should not make snorting noises with their noses when
   users begin their questions with the phrase, "I have a Minitab question."

5. All right, if it's REALLY bad, you can snicker, but keep it down. A quiet
   cluster is a happy cluster.

6. During temporary AFS outages, consultants may NOT point at the "AFS:

   Now you see it. Now you don't." sign and say "Transarc Sucks."

Thanks for your cooperation.

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We would like to phase out the following answers that Consultants have been
giving out in response to typical user questions (i.e. "Where is the printer?"
or "So what phone CAN I use?")

	1. "Beats the f*ck out of me."
	2. "I think the UCon could better field that question."
	3. "I think the ACon could better field that question."
	4. "I think the CCon is a bozo, and you can tell him the ACon said so."
	5. "Why are you using EZ, anyway?"
	6. "Your professor is lying to you."
	7. "It's spelled G-N-U-dash-E-M-A-C-S."
	8. "No, 'xemacs' is designed to catch Pitt students trying to use our
computers."

and finally ---

	9. "What can I say... Transarc sucks."